"Let's try this again."

"Let's try this again."

"I need to get reorganized."

"He's never done that before!"

"I thought I had this figured out..."

I feel like I'm living oddly parallel lives these days. By day, I'm a new mom with an incredibly particular diva of a son. By night (and by that I mean Thursday evenings), I'm still a horse-crazy teenager locked in an almost-27-year-old's body. Thing is, I find myself comparing these two lives and coming away with the notion that the are more similar that they might seem on paper.

My little boy is a moving target. He likes to throw me a curve ball just when I think I'm starting to get things figured out. Optimists would say "ah, it keeps you on your toes!" Well, I don't *want* to be on my toes. My body is too worn out from holding, bouncing and rocking the little bear!

Keenan threw me a curve ball himself just last week (is there some sort of chat room these two go to? www.howtomesswithmom.com??). After almost two years of being a professional butt-saver, the little stinker threw me under the bus. It's like all of a sudden he decided that the best way for me to figure stuff out was to cease being the world's most generous horse. Of course, he was right. I had to ride him like I've never done before - very forward and determined, with gritted teeth and a steely resolve that we WOULD do the line in three strides. We WOULD get our lead change as soon as possible. I went from riding in a very reserved, conservative way (the way I *had* to ride when there was a baby in my tummy) to having my guns blazing, with a "Seize the Day!" mentality. And darn if there wasn't a knowing look in that horse's eye when I put him back in his stall an hour later. He and Henri sure are smart.

Baby Henri meets some very special friends

These photos were taken in Henri's first week of life, but I'm just now getting around to posting them *sheepish grin*. This was his first real outing - of course, he slept the whole time, which was a-okay with me. The horses took varying degrees of interest in him - Keenan was a little on the ambivalent side (he did not understand how me holding the baby was better than the baby being in my tummy), Henry seemed afraid that the baby might eat him, Rapper was enthusiastic to the point of dangerous (isn't he always) and Reno...well, Reno fell head over heels, as I'm sure you can see. If Old Man Reno is still with us in a few years, I have every intention of him being Henri's first ride. Not that I'm anxious to pigeonhole our child, but if he wants to be the next Michael Matz, Jon French or David O'Connor, far be it for me to hold him back :)

Today my favorite school horse and first horsey love, Terlago, goes up to heaven. He is a 33 year old, 14.1 hand gray Arabian gelding who stole my heart the first time I laid eyes on him sixteen years ago. He was a halter champion in his younger years but found his true calling as a teacher; helping children, adults and the disabled fall in love with horses. He was a versatile guy who could go English or Western, but he loved the challenges of Country English Pleasure, jumping and gaming and was a showstopper in a dark blue native costume.

Here is the only photo I could dig up of Lago - this is he and I at a barn schooling show in 1997. He is the very foundation of my love of horses, as well as my enduring appreciation for Arabians. His passing leaves a huge hole in my heart and I know he will never be replaced. But it is his time to go home now, and be relieved of the infirmaties of old age. We'll miss you, handsome boy!

In the quiet misty morning

When the moon has gone to bed

When the sparrows stop their singing

And the sky is clear and red,

When the summer's ceased its gleaning

When the corn is past its prime,

When adventure's lost its meaning -

I'll be homeward bound in time

Bind me not to the pasture

Chain me not to the plow

Set me free to find my calling

And I'll return to you somehow

If you find it's me you're missing

If you're hoping I'll return,

To your thoughts I'll soon be listing,

In the road I'll stop and turn

Then the wind will set me racing

As my journey nears its end

And the path I'll be retracing

When I'm homeward bound again

Bind me not to the pasture

Chain me not to the plow

Set me free to find my calling

And I'll return to you somehow

Bind me not to the pasture

Chain me not to the plow

Set me free to find my calling

And I'll return to you somehow

In the quiet misty morning when

the moon has gone to bed.

when the sparrows stop there singing....

I'll be homeward bound again

Had to post photos separately for some reason...

It's getting tougher and tougher...

It's getting really hard to be at the barn these days.

I get tired SO easily, it's hard to get anything done with this tummy in the way, hardly ANY of my barn clothes fit and...well...sometimes I get really bummed out. It's tough to watch my friends, my horsey family, carry on with riding and training while I am stuck on the sidelines. I try not to be too much of a downer, but sometimes it feels like what I imagine a recovering alcoholic would feel like if he or she went into a bar. Maybe that's a weird way to think of it, but *shrug* there it is.

It's made all the more difficult by Keenan's attitude. I love that horse to death but MAN has he gotten cranky with me! Actually, it's not so much cranky as impatient. When I go out to see him, it's as if he can't decide whether he misses me or he's angry at me. It's actually kind of funny to be around him - he's trying to nip my shoulder and cuddle up to me at the same time. He wants to be loved but he also wants to punish me for "abandoning" him. He glares at my tummy, too - he's not sure how it works, but he knows that we haven't gone for a ride in over three months now, and that that bump has something to do with it!

Thankfully, Rapper is going about all this in exactly the opposite way. He's totally seeing this from a glass-half-full perspective. Mom's not riding me? No problem, I get to play outside more and torture Anna and Sophie! Mom's only visits once a week? No problem, I have Armando to annoy! He's happy to see me but he's not being a drama queen or trying to convince me that his world is coming to an end. Thank goodness!

I'm about a week and a half away from my due date and, pardon the phrase, chomping at the bit to get this pregnancy over with! For one thing, I am getting extremely uncomfortable - for another, IT'S ALMOST HORSE SHOW SEASON! I spent all last Friday at the Mother's Day Classic here in Eugene and it was wonderful/heartbreaking. I can't wait to ride again OR to show off my adorable baby boy to the rest of the Wilsonville gang!

I love my boys

It's MARCH?! Since when?

Okay, call me crazy, but I swear it was just Christmas! Okay, it was at least just Valentine's Day...where on earth does the time go? I have the feeling that time is going to keep flying by - until I'm three weeks from delivery, that is, THEN it's going to slow to a crawl so as to maximize my inevitable discomfort. It will then start a peculiar pattern of zipping by again during the wonderful moments of new-Momhood and all but stop during the sleepless nights, dirty diapers and teething months. Oh well, I guess, such is life.
I haven't written anything here for a couple months now. Obviously. I guess I don't want this blog to turn into a blog about babies and my pregnancy. Maybe I'll start a different blog for that, or write notes on my Facebook page, but this is supposed to be about my growth and development as a horsewoman; my goals, accomplishments, struggles and successes. I suppose I thought that since I'm entering the final phase of my pregnancy and haven't ridden in a month and a half, I didn't have anything to write about on the horse front. I know I'm still a horse-crazy gal, but I thought "what kind of things can I possibly be learning when I'm not even riding?" Much, as it turns out.
There have been times during my riding "career" (ha) that I have become too focused on winning and my accomplishments and haven't given enough thought to the amazing blessing it is just to be around horses at all. I am sure realizing this blessing now! Aside from a handful of very casual and abbreviated rides on Mr. Rapper, I have been "grounded" since early February. It can be very discouraging at times to watch my friends ride, train and grow without me, but I have come to appreciate the little things I do with my horses. Or, at least, I used to think they were little things. Now I understand that the groomings, the treats, the walks up the driveway are not "little" at all, but the very foundation of my horse-and-rider relationships. Rapper is reaping many of the benefits of my riding hiatus. After all, he enjoys grooming while Keenan frets and fidgets; he relishes long slow walks up the drive whereas Keenan tries to drag me facedown alongside him. Rapper turned 17 on March 8 and I can honestly say, I have never seen him so happy. I am very grateful for this time I am able to spend with him - it has made him so much calmer and responsive, I feel like I can do anything with him.
Keenan is definitely getting some of the perks. Rachel is schooling and hacking him nearly every day and I must say, I cannot WAIT to get back on such a fit and well-schooled animal. Rachel told me that she always wanted to ride Keenan (she spent her younger days watching him in the show ring) and she has been doing great things with him. I can tell Keenan is starting to wonder what the heck is going on with me, though - he's started to get a little edgy with me, like he's annoyed that we haven't gone for a ride in a long time. As much as it would pain me to say good-bye to my hunter boy for a few months, a part of me hopes I can find someone to lease him for the show season. He's such a phenomenal horse and really deserves to have a great show season with an Adult, Child - or Pre Adult or Child - rider in the saddle.
Well, we are on our way out the door for family dinner, but I hope to make more time to write soon. After all, I may be a Mom-to-be, but I am ALWAYS a horse girl, no matter what!